Post Adoption Depression

You've gone through ALL of the paperwork and legal proceedings, you've waited (it seems like) forever, and you finally have your child home! Everything is perfect now, right? But what if things aren't perfect? What if you find that you are not attaching to your child? What if it just isn't what you expected? Everyone else is so happy, but you're not. Does this mean you're a bad person? Absolutely not! It may mean that you are suffering from post adoption depression.

Although post adoption depression is often compared to postpartum depression (the "baby blues"), it is definitely not the same. Postpartum depression is thought to be caused primarily by a hormonal imbalance and typically lasts for up to two weeks. Post adoption depression is definitely not hormonal and can last much, much longer. Most people who suffer from post adoption depression also feel very guilty for feeling the way they do, and this only makes the depression worse. They begin to feel like they are in a downward spiral that they cannot get out of. They begin to resent their child, and this again increases their guilt.

Is there any hope? Yes! The first step is to identify the cause of the depression. There are many theories on the cause of post adoption depression, but I believe there are two main causes. The first cause is a natural "crash" of your emotions after you have been on emotional "high alert" for so long. This is especially true at the end of the adoption process as your dream is finally coming true. All of the last minute details and preparation for your trip (in international adoption) can be overwhelming and exciting! After returning home, your emotions naturally crash and can cause a short-term depression.

The second, and more serious, cause of post adoption depression is grief. Grief over the loss of the pregnancy, over the loss of your child's infancy, over the loss of the bonding that begins immediately after the birth, or any number of losses. This grief is most likely unexpected and can often be very profound!

So what do you do now? The second step to working through the depression is to realize that it won't just go away! This is not a sign of weakness!

The third step to relieving the depression and finding joy is to get help. Find a therapist who has experience with post adoption depression. He or she can help guide you through the recovery process and help you experience the joy you had dreamed about!